They Ain’t Makin’ Jews Like Jesus Anymore

(lyrics and music by Kinky Friedman)

Well, a redneck nerd in a bowling shirt was a-guzzlin’ Lone Star beer
Talking religion and-uh politics for all the world to hear.
“They oughta send you back to Russia, boy, or New York City one,
You just want to doodle a Christian girl and you killed God’s only son.”

I said, “Has it occurred to you, you nerd, that that’s not very nice,
We Jews believe it was Santa Claus that killed Jesus Christ!”
“You know, you don’t look Jewish,” he said, “near as I could figger
I had you lamped for a slightly anemic, well-dressed country nigger.”

No, they ain’t makin’ Jews like Jesus anymore,
They don’t turn the other cheek the way they done before.
He started in to shoutin’ and spittin’ on the floor,
Lord, they ain’t makin’ Jews like Jesus anymore.

He says, “I ain’t a racist but Aristitle Onassis is one Greek we don’t need,
And them niggers, Jews and Sigma Nus, all they ever do is breed.
And wops ‘n micks ‘n slopes ‘n spics ‘n spooks are on my list —
And there’s one little hebe from the heart of Texas — is there anyone I missed?”